BREAK FOR THE JAVA

Under normal circumstances, I would not try to pick up a lady while in costume… uniform. I just try to keep a certain level of ethics when I’m fighting crime. I’d been in a meeting all day and when I got out, I’d notice that Terra was already gone. I log online to cnn.com and here is this live footage of Terra shaking it down with E-Klypse. Honestly, I think this dude wants to ask her out – but that’s another conversation for another time.

So, in true hero like fashion, I leave work and switch to my alter ego. BAM! I’m ready to save the day. Well, almost. I could use a bit of a pick me up, and I’m sworn off of Red Bull since they started mixing it with my vodkas at happy hour. Next stop, the Mocha Bean Café. It’s moments like this I’m glad I have a mask over my eyes. Otherwise, I would have felt a bit out of place in full costume, trying to order a Frozen Mocha Extreme Blast from the bar. And luckily my belt can hold my cell phone and wallet – you just never know when you are going to need these things.

I step up to order my much needed pick-me-up when it hits me. She hits me. She is like… BAM! I mean, she is amazing. Remember those ethics I mentioned? Out the window… Just gone. Her name tag said Candice, and she looked oh-so-sweet. Immediately, I had to engage her in a conversation. Surely, she’d go out with me. I wasn’t just every day Leroy, I was getting ready to save the city. That’s gotta count for at least one date. Right?

So, I’m in line. I order my drink, and I make small talk. And again, in the spirit of all things super hero like, my cell phone goes off. I check the number, and it’s Terra. I mean, she’s got the absolute worst timing. I push the ignore button so that I can get back to Candice. I can’t go off fighting crime if I can’t have Candice in my life. Surely Terra would have understood. Just as soon as I pick back up with the conversation, the phone rings again. Ok, seriously, she’s trying to kill my day time minutes.

Candice asks me in such a sweet tone, “do you need to get that.” I smiled, showing my perfect teeth (women love great teeth), and responded 'nah, she’s got it'. I mean really… Terra has all those powers, why is she spending so much time on one guy. It can’t be that hard. And I bet you, she will come up with some excuse about P.M.S. or something.

I push ignore one more time, and Candice gives me my drink. Clearly my time in line was up, so I asked her if I could call her sometime.

“Why don’t you go see about helping your friend and we can pick this up next time…”

I think that was a yes. I mean, she didn’t say no. Sure, we don’t have a date set, but I think she likes me. Right?

Being a super hero can really mess with your personal life.