WHAT'S WRONG WITH RALPH?

After the whole thing with the hot chick and the germy pigeon, I flew home to wash my hands… like twenty times. Then I took a shower. I'm sure by anyone else's standard, I was over reacting – but, oh well!

For some reason, my cell phone was ringing like crazy. Not that I wanted to ignore it, but I need to get clean first. Something about a giant pigeon just doesn’t make me feel so good… particularly when it’s a mutated giant pigeon.

Like most heroes should, I have more than a few costumes. It would just be dingy of me to only have one suit and wear it every time I fight crime. The process of showering and changing actually put more pep in my step. Today seemed really long and it wasn’t over. Probably an hour after I arrived home, I was back out on the streets. I was also contemplating what my reason would be to skip work tomorrow.

As I flew above the city, I tried to figure who would know something about hot chick and her comment about me still having my powers. Is someone out there stealing powers from the Urban 30 members? If so, who and how do we get them back?

I flipped open my phone to check my missed calls. 1 call from Mom and Dad, 3 calls from Ralph, 2 calls from the popcorn girl at the movie theater and 5 calls from Tony – I wonder what he wants.

Reluctantly, I called Tony back.

"Leroy, get over to Northern Avenue. Terra needs back up!" I don’t even think he said hello. Neither did I… I declined to assist Terra. She’s a big girl, I told him.

This time though, I wasn’t just being resistant, I actually wanted to try and piece together if there was someone really stealing out powers.

"Damn it Leroy, just do what I tell you. Nothing else is more important right now." Tony yelled through the phone, sort of like my mom would when she’d had enough. At that point, I was pissed off, too. What could be more important than finding out why our folks were suddenly depowering? I hung up the phone. I’ll just tell him its tough to hold a conversation while flying.

The phone rang back. This time it was Ralph, looking to do more for the night. Although I had no intention of heading over to Terra, I didn’t see why Ralph couldn’t go.

“Ralph, since you're finished helping Sha'Donna, shoot over to the museum on Northern Avenue. Terra needs back up.” I said, trying to speak above the wind blowing into the phone. Sometimes it’s tough to fly and hold a conversation.

Ralph obliged.

I didn’t last 20 minutes before I was bored with flying around. I honestly had no idea who I could talk to about hot chick. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I should meet up with some of the other U-30 members to see what kind of ideas we could come up with. With that, I decided to head toward Terra anyway.

Every thought in my head was about hot chick’s comments. What if I do lose my powers? What if I lose them right now and fall out of the sky? We needed to get to the bottom of this before things get messy.

I arrived just in time to see Terra standing over Ralph and a bunch of Egyptian dudes running down the street. As I landed, I greeted Terra, more focused on our fleeing bad guys.

"Hey Terra…. Are we going to chase them?" I said. I looked back to Terra, then down at Ralph. ”What's wrong with Ralph?"

WHY ARE ALL THE HOT CHICKS VILLIANS?

I arrived at the Yoo Street Corridor in fairly good time. According to Sha’Donnna, someone stole three endangered wolves from the National Zoo. Her adoration for any type of dog was surely her drive for following this crime – as opposed to letting the local authorities handle it.

The historic Pips Theatre roof top is one of our usually meeting places when on patrol. I arrived to find Ralph huddled over Sha’Donna rubbing her belly.

“She’s hardly two months into the pregnancy, what do you hope to feel?” I asked.

Ralph backed away as Sha’Donna cut her eyes at me. I walked over to the edge and looked down at the street below. Apparently, a woman with platinum blonde dreadlocks had possession of the three baby wolves in a cage in a cherry red convertible just below.

“Where is the woman?” I didn’t see anyone standing next to car.

“She went inside.” Sha’Donna said. She had turned to Ralph giggling and playfully smacking his hand. Could this really be happening, I wondered.

“Why didn’t you just go down and get the wolves? They are just sitting out in the open…” I tried to sound condescending.

Oh, Ralph said and Sha’Donna cut her eyes again. I sighed, and probably for the hundredth time in the six months that Sha’Donna has been a part of the Urban 30, I wondered exactly how she impressed Tony enough to gain membership. Her phone rang.

“Hello?” She was loud, unintentionally I would assume. “Oh, hey Tony!” Speak of the devil. “Huh?” Sha’Donna planted her hands into her hips – she was suddenly upset. “What?” Her eyes widened and then squinted. Doesn’t seem like she’s happy at whatever Tony just told her. “Whatever, man…” She hung up the phone.

“What happened?” Ralph asked, probably genuinely concerned.

“Tony just told me I I was off the team - after this mission.” Sha’Donna responded.

I turned away to laugh. Best decision ever! I turned back around to see Sha’Donna crying.

I looked back to the street below to see the chick with platinum dreadlocks coming out of the nail salon. To think she may have been in there getting a manicure or a pedicure, while these two were up here playing house.

Just as was about to swoop down and grab the baby wolves, another woman came out of the nail shop. She was so familiar. Then it hit me, that was the chick who’d dumped her boyfriend in the break room earlier today. Same hair, different outfit. Hotter outfit. Wow, that puts her pass a 10 on the scale.

The woman with the dreadlocks picked up the cage of wolves and placed in on the sidewalk as if it weighed nothing. The break room chick kneeled down and took each baby wolf out, one by one. Not even a minute later, the wolves grew into some sort of werewolf like beasts the size of horses. She must have some sort of mutating touch. I suddenly wondered why all of the super hot chicks were villains.

“Time for some action!” I said as I leaped off the building.

Both women saw me immediately and jumped in the car.

“Get the wolves, I will get the ladies.” I said to Ralph and Sha’Donna.

The women sped off and I followed in the air. I swear she was doing at least 90 miles an hour on those city streets – and she didn’t hit a thing. Maybe she was one of those lady race car drivers. Even more hot!

It was hard to get close because of all the traffic lights and cables and crap, but I finally got close to grab the break room break up chick. I would have scolded her for not wearing a seat belt, but it was to my advantage.

We flew straight up in the air as I gave her the 3rd degree. Who are you? What did you do to the baby wolves? What’s your game plan? All the usual stuff… She laughed in my face.

“I’m surprised you still have your powers. You were one the first.” She said. She even talks hot.

With that comment, she thrust her knee into my stomach causing me to drop her. Before I could even fly down to get her, she some how grabbed a pigeon and it transformed into some huge monstrous bird. Ew, don’t those things carry germs?

I probably should have chased her, but I was kind of grossed out.

BREAK ROOM DRAMA

I finally went back to work, after a few days of calling in. If I weren’t scared that Ms. DeVane would show up to my house to question me, I would have taken another day or two. Considering that she is the right hand to the CEO, she is the scariest woman I knew in five inch heels – and being in the superhero business, I knew some scary broads in heels.

To get the day started, I arrived to work a bit early. This was my chance to read most of my e-mails before the rest of the office started to show up for their normal tours of duty. As it turned out, I hadn’t really missed anything special. Marty sent a message,asking me to help him redesign the company newsletter, which I agreed needed definite improvement on looks and content. Another note was that Rona and Tanya would be transferred to this location, effective next week. That I considered to be a plus. Rona Black and Tanya Danvers were two lively ladies – and half of what used to be our holiday entertainment.

The other emails were just usual comments for training and other professional development projects. Playing catch up ended up being a light task. At about mid morning, I walked upstairs to the break room. For some reason, they have better and cheaper snacks in those machines, unlike the ones in the break room downstairs.

I searched my pockets as I entered the room. I also noticed two people in the corner, passing them on my way to the snack machine. Naturally, I tried not to be obvious while I stared. I recognized them from law firm one flight up. The guy was young, but probably closer to 30 than I was. The girl, she definitely seemed early 20s. His face was a deep reddish color as he kept repeating, I don’t understand. Then it made sense. She was breaking up with him!

“It’s not you. It’s me!” She said. Her eyes were dry, and her expression seemed more apologetic than regretful. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“But that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.” He replied.

Her hair was a deep black, with perfect red streaks blended in. It was full and relaxed over her shoulders, sweeping down her back. I had stared more at them (well… her, rather) than I did the machine to make my selection. The funny thing was, I think she noticed me looking, but obviously didn’t care. She did nothing to lower her tone, though when he spoke it was a careful and controlled voice. But I could still hear him.

“I really thought we were good together. We were really hitting it off.” He said. I felt like he was breaking some guy code by pouring his feelings so publicly. “I should have known you didn’t want more, considering you won’t spend the night.” Her eyes widened. Did he strike a nerve?

“Oh, Teddy…” It was the first time in the three minutes that I had been there that she seemed sympathetic, as if she cared about his feelings. “You are so kind and giving. These eight months have been the best relationship that I’ve ever had.” I waited for the but… “But, I don’t think I’m as ready to commit as you are.”

I knew there would be a but... Damn, the machine gave me Almond Joy. I hate coconut. Now I was standing there, eves dropping and holding an unwanted candy bar.

“This is just stupid Raye.” Teddy frowned. Then he took her face into his hands and tried to kiss her. I wasn’t surprised when Raye pulled back and told him that he was making this very hard for her.

“Teddy, I need time to find myself. I need to decide if I want my law degree or pursue other things.”

“What other things?” Teddy demanded.

Raye stood up. “My break is over. I’ll see you at the 3 o’clock meeting.”

As she walked away, I swore she winked at me. Teddy began wiping his face with his hands and shirt sleeve. I sort of felt bad for him. From where I was standing, Raye was definitely a 9.3 on a scale of 10.

Now that she was gone, there was no reason for me to be there. Though part of me felt that witnessing a live break up more than made up for the unwanted candy bar selection, I still felt like I was missing something. But there was nothing I could do about that now.

I walked pass Teddy and dropped the candy bar on the table in front of him. Tough break, I said as I exited the break room. Back to my desk to plan for lunch, I guess.

NIGHT OUT

I don’t really know how much sleep I’ve gotten in the last two days. I’ve been up through both nights, maybe nodding two minutes or so through out the days. The streets have been the quietest I’ve ever seen them in months. Primarily, I’ve been looking for answers. My only problem is, I don’t really know what questions to ask.

Tonight, I’m joined by Todd, Ralph Barry and Marci. Marci was the most quiet, aside from me. Barry was talking loudly through his blue tooth, something about forgetting one of his girlfriend’s birthday. Ralph and Todd were discussing the new security system that Ralph had just installed to protect his home and family.

None of them were pay attention to the streets. None of them were watching for anything suspicious. For a long while there was nothing to see. Until a sudden explosion across town. Router was connected to the police scanners through his laptop. Thankfully Marci noticed the alert flashing on the screen.

We rushed through the city, up town near the university. Barry was still on the phone, this time with his second girlfriend, promising to reschedule their weekend plans because he had a family emergency. Had this been any other night, I might have challenged his player status for having to cancel plans with one girl to spend time with another. Not good time management at all.

As these things go, we arrived just in time. Well, not so much so, since there obviously was an explosion. But, we arrived before the bad guys had a chance to really put a hurt on the on-duty police officers. I had no idea who these guys were. Router spent half the fight on his laptop cross referencing the U-30 database to find nothing. Apparently, we’ve got some new kids in town. They look like twins, brothers at the least, and strong as hell.

“Stand back guys, this is all about the muscle.” Barry said as he approached the destructive pair.

Ralph launched arrow after arrow. Not one scratched the twins. And that’s not to say that the arrows didn’t make contact. These dudes had some pretty touch skin. I wondered how well they too insults?

I had just about planned for a long night with lots of fighting, in my opinion just the thing to clear my mind, when the unexpected happened. Twin number one picked up a police car and tossed it to twin number two, who then swung it around and threw it at Barry. Barry caught it and held it over his head. But just as Barry was about to throw it back, he dropped it. As if his arms just gave out from fatigue. I saw the confused look in Barry’s eyes, he didn’t even notice the twins had thrown another police cruiser. Just like that, Barry was down.

I ran over to lift the car off Barry. He was out cold. Todd and Ralph dragged Barry clear of the vehicle while I held it up. As soon as I let it back down, I noticed the twins were running down the street. What kind of exit is that, when a villain just takes of running down the street? Maybe they were trying to catch a bus…

Barry came to about ten minutes later.

“Dude, what happened?” Todd asked.

“I… I think I lost my powers.” Barry replied.