THE HOLIDAY PARTY - IN REVIEW

So let’s talk about last night. Our holiday party was definitely a night to remember. I must add though, that I think it goes without saying, that one should not get drunk in front of their coworkers. I’ve been in some crazy situations – but even I have enough sense not to let those folks see me at my worst. Too bad they didn’t have a choice.

The evening started off in great spirits. Because of the early morning scuffle as my alter ego, I was a bit late getting to work. By the time I arrived, the office was closing. Great news for me, since it gave me a chance to sleep a bit longer and catch up to Terra to get my eye healed. She’s a wiz with these plants… like a shaman on television.

Needless to say, I arrived to the party in the best of moods. One thing that Daisy didn’t get rid of was the DJ – thank goodness because he was truly spinning those records. It seemed like everyone was dancing and having a great time. After a few songs, I make my way to the refreshments table. Just as I poured a cup of punch, Karl (the new guy) popped up to advise against it. I was instantly suspicious, so I went into the kitchen for a bottle of water.

I spent the next hour watching everyone frequent the punch bowl. When it was low, Karl mixed more. Smiles grew wider; folks were so happy. What I noticed was that folks were too happy.

The evening entertainment started and Rona, Sasha, Sherrie and Tanya took to the front. Normally these ladies performed wonderfully. I would have sworn they were a girl group in another life. But tonight, they met some challenges. Sherrie fell out during the first song. She just dropped. The office was so drunk, they laughed thinking it was part of the show. The past-life pop diva group was one down but Rona, Sasha and Tanya didn’t miss a beat. They kept singing and dancing.

On the fourth song Rona experienced a costume malfunction. Well, actually she didn’t. She flat out turned into a stripper and dropped down to her skimpies, walked off the stage for another cup of punch and handed the microphone to Terra. Rona was done for the night. But again, these ladies were past-lives pop divas. They kept going! Sasha and Tanya made the last song a duet, and adjusted quite nicely. The only problem was Tanya’s wig falling off during the last note.

If that weren’t enough, the projector that had been broadcasting a happy holidays message, was now flashing sporadic photos of Daisy making out with Larry the Janitor. Apparently, Daisy only comes to work to freak. All her real work gets done at home. When Ron saw the pictures, he left the party.

Apparently, the only folks sober, other than me, were Karl and Terra. I smelled a rat. Folks were dropping like flies. Ms. Grady had fallen asleep in her own vomit and Kesha was on the phone with her original baby’s daddy confessing he is also the father of her next child. No one even knew she was pregnant.

Just as the night was all about to be over – I wondered if Terra and I would have to go super just to make sure everyone got home safely – Karl stood up to offer final words.

“Since the holiday committee is unable to say thank you, I thought I would take this moment to say a few words. I want to thank each of you for being so great to me during my first month here in the office. However, a few apples have spoiled the bunch. Effective immediately, I resign from the company.” Karl started to leave the room, but came back. “Oh, they punch is really loaded. You guys will feel really bad until Monday. Then you will be good as new. Happy holidays!”

Karl passed by me on his way out. He thanked me for not making the pictures of him and Big Bertha public. Can I tell you that I’m so glad that I didn’t?

I didn’t stay to help clean up. The way I saw it, I enjoyed seeing everyone make such fools of themselves – cleaning up would have made it less fun.