This weekend turned out to be better than I expected. All except the chitterling lasagna that Aunt Clodine made for the family reunion bbq. I wish someone had warned me before I took a bite.
After meeting family I had not seen since I was 4 and a half, I went to catch up with some other friends and eat better food and play Rock Band. I’m great on lead, better on drums but I freakin rock on the microphone. I kept scoring a 98% on the difficult level. I owned that band! Well, I did till it was time to go home. But after all the drinking I had done, I relived the whole thing in my head untill I fell asleep.
The next night we decided to hit the bar, just before work tomorrow morning. This was the most drinking I had done in about two weeks – I think. The lounge had just recently opened, like so many in DC and I was already at home on the clean furniture. For some reason, I had completely missed the obvious karaoke machine in the front hear the dance floor. I sank into the couch, proud of my second Long Island Iced Tea debating if I would end my rock band career on a solo note.
As if to answer for me, Leah dropped a song guide in my lap. I guess that was my cue. My first song was just to get everyone excited Michael Jackson’s Beat It. I hadn’t danced like that in years. I started to sweat as if I had the jheri curl, too.
Embracing my third drink, I laughed through some dude singing Listen, an old lady who contended with a celine Dion tune and an Asian guy who thought he was a superstar. After that, it was time to be born again. I think my partner tried to “upstage” me?
Time to go home.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
THE LIVE FEED!
For the last few days I tried reaching out to Brice. Terra believes we should all try to get along. So, I called him. The first time he picked up, he put me on hold. After about 5 minutes I hung up. The second time we spoke, Brice called to tell me the team was needed for an issue on the Red Line. I didn’t go. This guy can't call me back, so why care if he gets his face bashed in.
Of course, this incident made it to the news. It's like they only show up when I'm not there. I watched the live feed online. Just as I thought, they got their faces smashed.
Lady Face was in a frenzy. I'm not sure when they let her out, but clearly she needed a return visit with those padded walls. I watched as the reporter tried to keep up with the commentary. She narrated the event as if it were a pay per view battle royal. Between her coughing to clear the dust from her throat and the rattle from the bag of corn chips she started to consume, she pretty much covered it all. The biggest issue came when the reported tried to describe Lady Face. Even I know you can't describe a person who always changes. Her appearance, like her temper, is random.
With raw fighting ability, Lady Face first managed to best Craig. Perhaps by accident, but her spontaneous fighting style helped her to land Craig on the rails. Unfortunately, water and electricity do not mix. In a cloud of steam, Craig was gone. The last time that happened, it took weeks before the rain brought him back. Both Sha'Donna and Cheryl fell down in tears. Perhaps their hormones are already extra sensitive. They were no longer of use in that fight.
After the rustle of another back of chips – Funyuns this time – the reporter tried again to describe the changing appearance of Lady Face. She gave up, again, to commentate the next leg of the fight. Marci gracefully moved and glided from side to side, back and forth in the beginning. But then something happened that I had never seen before. Marci's face frowned and her eyes were on fire. Marci breathed harder, struck harder but sloppier. The quick strikes became heavy haymakers. Finally Marci stopped punching and just started cursing. I had never seen her so angry. Lady Face just laughed.
Marci closed her eyes and screamed. She didn't see Lady Face rip the door off the train. Now, there was only Brice. He stood in front of Lady Face and whispered below the ear shot of the reporter. In less than a minute, Lady Face was on her knees in tears. She reached for the edge of Brice’s cape to blow her nose. With disgust, Brice motioned for the authorities and moments later, Lady Face was escorted away. What the hell did he say to her? I wanted to see him get his ass beat!
Of course, this incident made it to the news. It's like they only show up when I'm not there. I watched the live feed online. Just as I thought, they got their faces smashed.
Lady Face was in a frenzy. I'm not sure when they let her out, but clearly she needed a return visit with those padded walls. I watched as the reporter tried to keep up with the commentary. She narrated the event as if it were a pay per view battle royal. Between her coughing to clear the dust from her throat and the rattle from the bag of corn chips she started to consume, she pretty much covered it all. The biggest issue came when the reported tried to describe Lady Face. Even I know you can't describe a person who always changes. Her appearance, like her temper, is random.
With raw fighting ability, Lady Face first managed to best Craig. Perhaps by accident, but her spontaneous fighting style helped her to land Craig on the rails. Unfortunately, water and electricity do not mix. In a cloud of steam, Craig was gone. The last time that happened, it took weeks before the rain brought him back. Both Sha'Donna and Cheryl fell down in tears. Perhaps their hormones are already extra sensitive. They were no longer of use in that fight.
After the rustle of another back of chips – Funyuns this time – the reporter tried again to describe the changing appearance of Lady Face. She gave up, again, to commentate the next leg of the fight. Marci gracefully moved and glided from side to side, back and forth in the beginning. But then something happened that I had never seen before. Marci's face frowned and her eyes were on fire. Marci breathed harder, struck harder but sloppier. The quick strikes became heavy haymakers. Finally Marci stopped punching and just started cursing. I had never seen her so angry. Lady Face just laughed.
Marci closed her eyes and screamed. She didn't see Lady Face rip the door off the train. Now, there was only Brice. He stood in front of Lady Face and whispered below the ear shot of the reporter. In less than a minute, Lady Face was on her knees in tears. She reached for the edge of Brice’s cape to blow her nose. With disgust, Brice motioned for the authorities and moments later, Lady Face was escorted away. What the hell did he say to her? I wanted to see him get his ass beat!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
THE MAKINGS OF A MESS
For the last few days, all I thought about was Dispatch’s idiotic decision that Brice and I be on the same team. Pure bullshit! Not to mention the guy hasn't even been around for the last few weeks. He's completely dropped off the radar. I think Terra said she'd seen him a few times at the office, but all that that means is he still has to pay rent. You can turn your back on citizens who need you, but you can’t turn your back on the landlord. Some team player he turned out to be.
Aside from Brice, there is also Sha'Donna, Graig, Cheryl and Marci. I don't really understand the line-up. From what Terra said, Brice is the leader of the team, because he is the most tactical – supposedly the thinker. Craig has the stealth, on account of the whole water thing and Cheryl and Sha'Donna are both second wave. I don't really understand how they could still be on active duty if they are both pregnant – but maybe Rico and Blair were wrong.
Marci was probably the best thing that happened to this team, aside from me. We represent the front line. The way she fights and shoots electricity is like watching dance. Her movements are hypnotic. Hell, the more I think about it, the team could have been just the two of us. But, no – that's not the case. We've got a guy who doesn't show up to save the world, a guy who plays in toilets and two ladies who could potentially give birth to multiple wet pets. This is the makings of a mess.
Aside from Brice, there is also Sha'Donna, Graig, Cheryl and Marci. I don't really understand the line-up. From what Terra said, Brice is the leader of the team, because he is the most tactical – supposedly the thinker. Craig has the stealth, on account of the whole water thing and Cheryl and Sha'Donna are both second wave. I don't really understand how they could still be on active duty if they are both pregnant – but maybe Rico and Blair were wrong.
Marci was probably the best thing that happened to this team, aside from me. We represent the front line. The way she fights and shoots electricity is like watching dance. Her movements are hypnotic. Hell, the more I think about it, the team could have been just the two of us. But, no – that's not the case. We've got a guy who doesn't show up to save the world, a guy who plays in toilets and two ladies who could potentially give birth to multiple wet pets. This is the makings of a mess.
Monday, June 9, 2008
SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE FOR CARTOONS
Dispatch called a meeting early Saturday morning. The topic was about some eminent threat – something we’ve never faced before. I think somewhere in the superhero handbook, it says that you have to say things like that. Every villain is viewed as some life-changing (or ending) threat. That’s pretty much all he said in the message. No details. Just come to the meeting because I (Dispatch) said so. I (Dispatch) will tell you what it's about when you get here.
Tough luck son, Leroy ain’t gonna be there. Instead, I’m going to fix a bowl of Apple Jacks and see what Saturday Morning Cartoons are on.
Somewhere around 9:30 in the morning, my phone rang. Router was on the other line asking where I was.
“I’m not coming Router.” I focused on watching the WB.
“Dude, this is a big meeting. Everyone is here.” Router pleaded.
“He could have just said it all in an e-mail or something.” I muted the television. “Look, I’m just not going to drop my life because Dispatch wants to share information he’s probably been holding for the last three months. When he realizes this is a team, I’ll act like it.” I turned the volume back up.
“I understand, Leroy. How about, I just put the phone on speaker, so you can hear everything while I’m in the meeting. It shouldn’t take long.” Router was persistent.
I agreed. Router was sincere, but he knew I felt screwed over when Dispatch suspended me for a small spat with Brice. That was just bull… and the fact that no one stood up to say that Dispatch was over reacting really let me know that our team ain’t so much a team. So, sure… I will listen over the phone – but I’m not getting up and heading down to the HQ just cause dispatch feels like sharing.
Over the next forty minutes, I endured a mesh of cartoons, Dispatch’s faint voice through Router’s cell phone and whatever breakfast meal that Router was eating. The rattling paper completely drowned Dispatch’s voice. And then there was the conversation that Blair and Rico were having about Cheryl being pregnant by Craig. Cheryl’s power is very animal based – letting her change into ferocious jungle cats. Craig, on the other hand turns into water. I don’t want to imagine that combination of a powers for their baby.
In all, the only thing I really heard was that some guy named Seth hates the Urban 30 and that we’d all be broken into smaller teams so that we are never alone. I couldn’t really tell who got paired up because Router apparently started choking on something he was eating and dropped his phone. The next seven minutes was all about Blair and Rico adding that Craig had also gotten Sha-Donna pregnant. Sha-Donna is into the animals too. But instead of changing herself into anything, she changes others in to animals – small puppies to be exact. I don’t know how she made it in the U-30.
So now, I’m wondering how Craig, a guy with no ambition – he only changes to water. He won't focus his power to learn to do ice, or control water or anything. Craig’s greatest thrill is becoming water, going through the pipes and coming out of your toilet to surprise you. After that, I never invited him to my house again. But yet, he’s got two girls pregnant within weeks of each other. Something is not right with the universe.
I finally just hung up the phone. I decided to call Terra later and get some details of the meeting.
Tough luck son, Leroy ain’t gonna be there. Instead, I’m going to fix a bowl of Apple Jacks and see what Saturday Morning Cartoons are on.
Somewhere around 9:30 in the morning, my phone rang. Router was on the other line asking where I was.
“I’m not coming Router.” I focused on watching the WB.
“Dude, this is a big meeting. Everyone is here.” Router pleaded.
“He could have just said it all in an e-mail or something.” I muted the television. “Look, I’m just not going to drop my life because Dispatch wants to share information he’s probably been holding for the last three months. When he realizes this is a team, I’ll act like it.” I turned the volume back up.
“I understand, Leroy. How about, I just put the phone on speaker, so you can hear everything while I’m in the meeting. It shouldn’t take long.” Router was persistent.
I agreed. Router was sincere, but he knew I felt screwed over when Dispatch suspended me for a small spat with Brice. That was just bull… and the fact that no one stood up to say that Dispatch was over reacting really let me know that our team ain’t so much a team. So, sure… I will listen over the phone – but I’m not getting up and heading down to the HQ just cause dispatch feels like sharing.
Over the next forty minutes, I endured a mesh of cartoons, Dispatch’s faint voice through Router’s cell phone and whatever breakfast meal that Router was eating. The rattling paper completely drowned Dispatch’s voice. And then there was the conversation that Blair and Rico were having about Cheryl being pregnant by Craig. Cheryl’s power is very animal based – letting her change into ferocious jungle cats. Craig, on the other hand turns into water. I don’t want to imagine that combination of a powers for their baby.
In all, the only thing I really heard was that some guy named Seth hates the Urban 30 and that we’d all be broken into smaller teams so that we are never alone. I couldn’t really tell who got paired up because Router apparently started choking on something he was eating and dropped his phone. The next seven minutes was all about Blair and Rico adding that Craig had also gotten Sha-Donna pregnant. Sha-Donna is into the animals too. But instead of changing herself into anything, she changes others in to animals – small puppies to be exact. I don’t know how she made it in the U-30.
So now, I’m wondering how Craig, a guy with no ambition – he only changes to water. He won't focus his power to learn to do ice, or control water or anything. Craig’s greatest thrill is becoming water, going through the pipes and coming out of your toilet to surprise you. After that, I never invited him to my house again. But yet, he’s got two girls pregnant within weeks of each other. Something is not right with the universe.
I finally just hung up the phone. I decided to call Terra later and get some details of the meeting.
Friday, May 30, 2008
OUT FOR DRINKS!
As a result of MT getting knocked the f@ck out, the whole relaxing before work thing came to an end. He seemed to have caught the same thing that Tomieka had. I stayed at MT’s crib where is ex-wives all dropped by to make sure he was ok. Wife number 2 even brought him a new iPhone to help his mood while he recovers. I left just a little after 11:00 am.
Back home to change for work, I made it to the office around 1:00pm. I spent most of the day on soulbounce.com. Somewhere during the day, Jada called to offer those drinks she and Tomieka promised. On that note, I left work to change into something other than the shirt and tie I was wearing.
I arrived to Bar Louie at about 5:30pm – I was early. Since I don’t drink alone, I ordered the fried calamari and an unsweetened iced tea. I had planned on replacing the “unsweetened” with “long island” once everyone arrived. The server was particularly pleasant today. She smiled the entire time she took my order and came back four times before the food arrived, just to see if I was ok.
Somewhere around 6:00 pm, Tomieka and Jada strutted into the place. I think I stared a bit longer than friends should stare – but I can’t be the blame when there is that much cleavage and legs. These two are like the supermodels of superheroes. It’s unreal!
We started with a round of shots, then Jada insisted that we do another for MT. The third round I felt complete now that I had my Long Island Iced Tea in hand. In the middle of our conversation, I stopped to ask the girls how they came up with the superhero names, Raz and Tam.
“It sounds like a dessert at a restaurant.” I said, taking another drink.
“And we are just as sweet.” Raz said matter-of-factly. We all laughed and that became the official reason.
Somewhere during that third drink, Terra glides in looking like a kid who’d just got off punishment. After the next drink I started to lose track of time. Terra, Jada, Tomieka and I were laughing about some new super villain team that’s just forming. Apparently the Vengeful Gnats still try to make a name for themselves with pasted insect wings. I don’t know how they manage to keep increasing their numbers, but they are often chaotic. We’ve all fought them and each time, they swarm around like they don’t know what to do next. Jada, Tomieka and I stopped them from robbing a bank once. They’d got in, got the money and instead of leaving, they ran around in circles. A few of them either bumped into each other, or tripped and money began flailing in the air. That was an annoying fight.
Just as we finished our trip down memory lane, I spotted a nice young lady sitting with two others. Perhaps it was the last drop of that second long island I’d just finished, but I decided to go over and speak.
She saw me coming over. I smiled and introduced myself. My first instinct was to buy them all drinks – but I wasn’t ready to buy all three of them "top shelf". When she responded, she belched, then giggled with her friends. Hm. I think she’s drunk.
She finally introduced herself and her friends. They all laughed again. One of them complimented me. That was a bit awkward since I only wanted to know her friend.
“Are you ladies from the area.” I asked them all, but only looked at one.
The wrong one answered. “We all just got breast enhancements 2 weeks ago.” If you didn't know, they started giggling again.
The third girl finally spoke, still not the one I want. "Can you believe we are all damaged goods. Our boyfriends all broke up with us today. It's like we are twins - but three of us!" There was that awkward feeling again. I decided to return to my friends, they weren't nearly as pretty as the other damaged girls.
I got back to the table completely unaware of the bar fight that had just started. I was actually hoping to catch the server for another drink. Not that I cared but I did ask Terra, what’s wrong with your boy. Apparently her friend from another planet decided to make an appearance tonight. I think he’s killing my buzz.
“He’s delusional…” Terra responded. “He’ll get over it.” Just as my fresh glass arrived, Terra leaned in to add. “I’m meeting with Dispatch at midnight.” I pretended I didn’t hear her.
At the close of the evening, I realized I had lost track of time and the number of drinks that I’d had. Terra was gone and her friend was getting arrested by the police, and the three girls with sextuplet boobs kept stalking me with their eyes. I think it’s time to go home.
Back home to change for work, I made it to the office around 1:00pm. I spent most of the day on soulbounce.com. Somewhere during the day, Jada called to offer those drinks she and Tomieka promised. On that note, I left work to change into something other than the shirt and tie I was wearing.
I arrived to Bar Louie at about 5:30pm – I was early. Since I don’t drink alone, I ordered the fried calamari and an unsweetened iced tea. I had planned on replacing the “unsweetened” with “long island” once everyone arrived. The server was particularly pleasant today. She smiled the entire time she took my order and came back four times before the food arrived, just to see if I was ok.
Somewhere around 6:00 pm, Tomieka and Jada strutted into the place. I think I stared a bit longer than friends should stare – but I can’t be the blame when there is that much cleavage and legs. These two are like the supermodels of superheroes. It’s unreal!
We started with a round of shots, then Jada insisted that we do another for MT. The third round I felt complete now that I had my Long Island Iced Tea in hand. In the middle of our conversation, I stopped to ask the girls how they came up with the superhero names, Raz and Tam.
“It sounds like a dessert at a restaurant.” I said, taking another drink.
“And we are just as sweet.” Raz said matter-of-factly. We all laughed and that became the official reason.
Somewhere during that third drink, Terra glides in looking like a kid who’d just got off punishment. After the next drink I started to lose track of time. Terra, Jada, Tomieka and I were laughing about some new super villain team that’s just forming. Apparently the Vengeful Gnats still try to make a name for themselves with pasted insect wings. I don’t know how they manage to keep increasing their numbers, but they are often chaotic. We’ve all fought them and each time, they swarm around like they don’t know what to do next. Jada, Tomieka and I stopped them from robbing a bank once. They’d got in, got the money and instead of leaving, they ran around in circles. A few of them either bumped into each other, or tripped and money began flailing in the air. That was an annoying fight.
Just as we finished our trip down memory lane, I spotted a nice young lady sitting with two others. Perhaps it was the last drop of that second long island I’d just finished, but I decided to go over and speak.
She saw me coming over. I smiled and introduced myself. My first instinct was to buy them all drinks – but I wasn’t ready to buy all three of them "top shelf". When she responded, she belched, then giggled with her friends. Hm. I think she’s drunk.
She finally introduced herself and her friends. They all laughed again. One of them complimented me. That was a bit awkward since I only wanted to know her friend.
“Are you ladies from the area.” I asked them all, but only looked at one.
The wrong one answered. “We all just got breast enhancements 2 weeks ago.” If you didn't know, they started giggling again.
The third girl finally spoke, still not the one I want. "Can you believe we are all damaged goods. Our boyfriends all broke up with us today. It's like we are twins - but three of us!" There was that awkward feeling again. I decided to return to my friends, they weren't nearly as pretty as the other damaged girls.
I got back to the table completely unaware of the bar fight that had just started. I was actually hoping to catch the server for another drink. Not that I cared but I did ask Terra, what’s wrong with your boy. Apparently her friend from another planet decided to make an appearance tonight. I think he’s killing my buzz.
“He’s delusional…” Terra responded. “He’ll get over it.” Just as my fresh glass arrived, Terra leaned in to add. “I’m meeting with Dispatch at midnight.” I pretended I didn’t hear her.
At the close of the evening, I realized I had lost track of time and the number of drinks that I’d had. Terra was gone and her friend was getting arrested by the police, and the three girls with sextuplet boobs kept stalking me with their eyes. I think it’s time to go home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
