OUT FOR DRINKS!

As a result of MT getting knocked the f@ck out, the whole relaxing before work thing came to an end. He seemed to have caught the same thing that Tomieka had. I stayed at MT’s crib where is ex-wives all dropped by to make sure he was ok. Wife number 2 even brought him a new iPhone to help his mood while he recovers. I left just a little after 11:00 am.

Back home to change for work, I made it to the office around 1:00pm. I spent most of the day on soulbounce.com. Somewhere during the day, Jada called to offer those drinks she and Tomieka promised. On that note, I left work to change into something other than the shirt and tie I was wearing.

I arrived to Bar Louie at about 5:30pm – I was early. Since I don’t drink alone, I ordered the fried calamari and an unsweetened iced tea. I had planned on replacing the “unsweetened” with “long island” once everyone arrived. The server was particularly pleasant today. She smiled the entire time she took my order and came back four times before the food arrived, just to see if I was ok.

Somewhere around 6:00 pm, Tomieka and Jada strutted into the place. I think I stared a bit longer than friends should stare – but I can’t be the blame when there is that much cleavage and legs. These two are like the supermodels of superheroes. It’s unreal!

We started with a round of shots, then Jada insisted that we do another for MT. The third round I felt complete now that I had my Long Island Iced Tea in hand. In the middle of our conversation, I stopped to ask the girls how they came up with the superhero names, Raz and Tam.

“It sounds like a dessert at a restaurant.” I said, taking another drink.

“And we are just as sweet.” Raz said matter-of-factly. We all laughed and that became the official reason.

Somewhere during that third drink, Terra glides in looking like a kid who’d just got off punishment. After the next drink I started to lose track of time. Terra, Jada, Tomieka and I were laughing about some new super villain team that’s just forming. Apparently the Vengeful Gnats still try to make a name for themselves with pasted insect wings. I don’t know how they manage to keep increasing their numbers, but they are often chaotic. We’ve all fought them and each time, they swarm around like they don’t know what to do next. Jada, Tomieka and I stopped them from robbing a bank once. They’d got in, got the money and instead of leaving, they ran around in circles. A few of them either bumped into each other, or tripped and money began flailing in the air. That was an annoying fight.

Just as we finished our trip down memory lane, I spotted a nice young lady sitting with two others. Perhaps it was the last drop of that second long island I’d just finished, but I decided to go over and speak.

She saw me coming over. I smiled and introduced myself. My first instinct was to buy them all drinks – but I wasn’t ready to buy all three of them "top shelf". When she responded, she belched, then giggled with her friends. Hm. I think she’s drunk.

She finally introduced herself and her friends. They all laughed again. One of them complimented me. That was a bit awkward since I only wanted to know her friend.

“Are you ladies from the area.” I asked them all, but only looked at one.

The wrong one answered. “We all just got breast enhancements 2 weeks ago.” If you didn't know, they started giggling again.

The third girl finally spoke, still not the one I want. "Can you believe we are all damaged goods. Our boyfriends all broke up with us today. It's like we are twins - but three of us!" There was that awkward feeling again. I decided to return to my friends, they weren't nearly as pretty as the other damaged girls.

I got back to the table completely unaware of the bar fight that had just started. I was actually hoping to catch the server for another drink. Not that I cared but I did ask Terra, what’s wrong with your boy. Apparently her friend from another planet decided to make an appearance tonight. I think he’s killing my buzz.

“He’s delusional…” Terra responded. “He’ll get over it.” Just as my fresh glass arrived, Terra leaned in to add. “I’m meeting with Dispatch at midnight.” I pretended I didn’t hear her.

At the close of the evening, I realized I had lost track of time and the number of drinks that I’d had. Terra was gone and her friend was getting arrested by the police, and the three girls with sextuplet boobs kept stalking me with their eyes. I think it’s time to go home.

WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT CELL PHONES AND SUPERHEROES?

I had decided to make it a late morning at work today. I woke up and just wasn’t ready to face the day. I shot an e-mail to my boss and the receptionist – I knew there wouldn’t be an issue since there were no meetings or deadlines today.

Since I was up, though, I turned the television on. Whenever I don’t rush into the office, I watch Fox Morning News to keep up with all the current events that I usually try not to keep up with. I was halfway through my bowl of Applejacks when I noticed the Breaking News alert. Of course I put my bowl down, thinking this was a chance for Sonus to get some press time – though I would be slightly peeved that I couldn't finish my cereal.

Just as I stood up to get changed, I lagged a bit to see exactly what the problem was, I received a text through my cell phone.

Hey Leroy, I just saw the fox news lady. I think I’m going to be on tv.

Just as I read it, I heard the news reporter confirm Mack Truck is on the scene. It looks like this will be resolved quickly.

WTF! How does MT always get press time? When I’m fighting the bad guys, there is NEVER a reporter around – NEVER a news camera. This just isn’t fair. Just for the sake of the cameras, I started to suit up and go down there. Even if I didn’t have to do anything, just show presence.

I watched the live feed on the news. Whenever the news catches a moment like this, it takes over all of the channels. Then the fight ends up on YouTube. MT (we stopped saying Mack Truck cause it was just awkward, but he won't change his name) was fighting the Iguana Man. Iguana Man was some wannabe scientist who thought it would be a great idea to combine humans with animals in an effort to preserve both. Whatever. Initially, Iguana Man wanted to merge himself with some bird– something about them being natual predators and survivors. However, his kid replaced the selected bird of prey with a pet iguana. Now he has a creepy third eye and spikes from the base of his neck to both heels. He'd be a joke if not for the steroids he takes for strength. I guess that was an add-on when he decided to become a villain. I would have just beat the crap out of my kid for turning me into a scaley lizard with too much skin under my chin.

The reporter narrated the fight. MT smacked Iguana Man through a store front window. Then he stops to pull out his phone. A minute later, I got another text message.

Hey Leroy, are you watching. This guy is no match for me, lol.

MT put the phone away then grabbed Iguana Man and pounded him in the ground three times. Then grabbed his cell for another text.

This guy is nothing, even you could take him out.

I found myself resenting the comment. I replied to his message. You and Iguana Man fight like girls. I chuckled as I sent it.

I watched on television as MT opened his phone and read the message. He laughed so hard he started coughing... a little too much? MT coughed so much that he didn’t notice Iguana Man get back up and hit him from behind with a pole. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent that text message?

Iguana Man struck MT with the pole a few more times. The newswoman was raving. Then suddenly, Iguana Man dropped the pole, stumbled back and doubled over in pain. The camera zoomed in and we witnessed some sort of wings grow out his back. Ew! Iguana Man flew away.

A minute later and the shock was gone, I suited up and flew to see how MT was doing.

FULL DAY'S WORK

Sometimes, you just don’t want to do a damn thing. Yep, I said it! I came into work today with all intentions of checking a few things off my imaginary to-do list. But that didn’t happen. Instead, my day went sorta-something like this…

9:00 AM – I’m just sitting at my desk. Though I’ve been to work since 8:30 AM, I’ve been talking to folks around the office since I got here. So I’m just officially turning my computer on.

9:10 AM – I turn on the computer and before I can really decide on what task to start on, I need to check my e-mail. Not the work e-mail – I’m checking my personal accounts. All three of them.

9:25 AM – I log on to instant messenger to see who is on that I can chat with. Aside from music, I need the instant messenger to communicate, so that I’m not on the phone all day. Being on the phone a lot sends a bad message to the higher-ups that I may not be actually working. I see my favorite chat buddy online. I also log on to the "I Love Sonus Message Board".

9:50 AM – Time to get some breakfast. Probably my usual, I’ll get two sandwiches with egg and extra bacon - jelly on the side, a bottle of water, a juice, the City Paper, checked to see if i got any mail (I ordered some stuff online) and some cookies for a mid day snack. Sometimes the cookies do last till after lunch.

10:40 AM – Break. Walk around the office and chat with a few coworkers.

11:00 AM – E-mail some coworkers to see what’s up for lunch.

11:15 AM – Got pissed over a debate on the "I Love Sonus Message Board". There is a rumor going around that Sonus and The Baton Boomerang Babe are an item. That is a lie! Have you seen her? Aside from the bad hair days, she has a funny smell…

12:00 Noon – Lunch!

2:10 PM – Back to e-mail. Apparently, my cousin is in a bid war on ebay for the entire collection of Care Bears Cousins stuffed animals. She has no life.

2:30 PM – Pretend I’m in a meeting so I can take a nap.

3:20 PM – Break. Walk around the office and chat, just to let folks know I’m still here and not sleep at my desk. I also realized I missed a call from Dispatch to assist the police in some sort of bank robbery attempt. Sounds boring, glad I missed it.

3:40 PM – Now someone is on the "I Love Sonus Message Board" talking about how cool Enigma is. If he were so cool, why doesn’t he have his own message board? These people have no class to talk about someone on another person’s message board.

4:05 PM – Watching the Iron Man movie online. I’ve seen it in the theatre, but Router sent me a link, so I figure I might as well watch it while I download stuff from itunes for my ipod.

4:47 PM – Shut down and go home. So glad it’s quitting time. I think I should have left a little bit early.

I actually meant to do work today. Now I will have to work double tomorrow.

THE DAY IS JUST STARTING!

I was at work bright and early this morning, just finishing up a few introductions on the next series of professional development trainings that were being scheduled over the next few months. Debbie popped in barely 20 minutes after I sat down to work. I can never remember if she is from finance or procurement – partially because I didn’t care. What I did remember is that this woman was always in the office. Debbie is here when I arrive and when I leave. She needs a life.

“Hey Leroy, I hear you and Terra broke up. Tough luck, huh?” Debbie dropped a stack of reports in my inbox, probably my training and development budget revisions. “Ron says Terra went on a lunch date with some sort of Russian mafia type. But I still think you have him in the looks department. I mean, you can’t blame a gal for wanting a bit more security. Somebody like him can definitely protect her if a thug attacks.” Debbie headed out of the door. I noticed a coffee stain on the back of her blouse. Now how did that get there?

I shook my head and looked back at my computer screen – but it was too late, the mood was shot. Great, now I’m distracted! I tried calling Terra, but got her voicemail. That was my cue that it was time to eat. I locked my screen and headed down to the food court for two breakfast sandwiches, juice, cookies for later (or mid morning) and a bottle of water.

After I rushed down my sandwiches, I thought it might be a good idea to call and check on Tomeika. Last I heard from Jada, she was doing better – even starting to get her powers back. Since I wasn’t sure if she was at work or still at home, I thought it would be best to call her cell phone. Shout-out to the anytime access.

“Hello?” She answered with a clear voice.

“Hey Tomieka, you sound much better.” I still wondered what kind of flu could take her powers away.

“Hey Leroy, baby. YES! I feel perfect. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but ya girl is back!” She laughed.

“Good, now I can collect those drinks from you and Jada.” I laughed too.

“Now you know when Raz and Tam say it, we mean it.” I heard her pause to mention something about photo copies. I assume that meant she’s at work today. “Let’s do it this weekend. I’ll call Terra too, so she knows there were no hard feelings.”

“Sounds like a plan. I hope you get paid by then, because I’m going to drink you ladies under the table.” I smiled hard, but I meant it.

We ended the conversation and I finally got back to work. I remembered I needed to e-mail these draft versions over to Ms. DeVane before 9 a.m. this morning – and it was already 9:30. Just as I attached the files and sent them, I received an e-mail from Michelle.

Hey L-Baby,

You owe me lunch and I'm not taking “NO” for an answer. See you at your job, at noon.
We can ride in the squad car today.

Michelle.

I thought to myself. Today is going to be real interesting.

THIS WEEKEND SUCKS!

The weekend didn’t quite go as expected. I was looking to hang with the fellas on Friday, but everyone came up with other plans. Such is life, sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to go. I was more so concerned with the fact that I was desperately looking to grab some food and drinks and by 10:00pm, I was in the kitchen crafting up the most gourmet version of ramen noodles that I could think of. A bowl of noodles never looked so good.

By Saturday, I was in the swing of the weekend. I dropped by the mall for a pair of shoes and then over to the DQ for a Snickers Blizzard. I was pretty much on cloud 9 anticipating my evening with Candice. I meant to call her yesterday to confirm, but there was so much back and forth with my other plans that I’d forgotten. By the time I remembered, it was rather late. I certainly didn’t want to offend her by calling too late.

On the way home, I grabbed my cell phone and searched for her number. Now that we have all these cell phone laws, I was so glad to have the hands free built into my system. The radio automatically muted and I could hear the phone ringing. This was sure to be a great evening. The anticipation of Candice and I hitting it off already sparked me to come up with reasons why I can’t see Michelle anymore.

My mother doesn’t think you are a good fit for me?

That thing with your nose when you sleep gives me nightmares.

My therapist says you are too controlling and that I should learn to tell you no!

Your voice gives me rickets!

I just can’t deal with the fact that you are a cop; what if something happens to you. I could
never live with that sort of danger.

And my personal favorite…

My doctor says that my split personalities cause me to do things. I’m sorry that I hurt you,
but I don’t remember you.

But Marc says that last one is just too mean.

When Candice finally answered the phone, she seemed a bit surprised to hear from me.

“Hey… um, Leroy. What’s going on?”

“Just chillin’, drivin’! What’s up wit you?” I wondered if she could tell I was smiling.

“Nothin’, driving to Richmond for my baby sister’s college graduation in the morning…”

I paused for a second. How were we supposed to go on a date, if Candice was in route to Richmond, VA?

There was silence on the phone for a few seconds, until I said… “I just wanted to touch base with you, see about going out…”

“Oh that’s right, we were supposed to go out tonight. I’m so sorry Leroy; I completely forgot.” She didn’t sound sorry…

“No problem. We can definitely reschedule.” I tried my best to sound relaxed and unaffected.

“Thanks, Leroy. You’re so nice. I’m going to call you back though. We are still driving and my sister is giving me the side eye. Bye.” She hung up before I could return the salutation.

Today sucks.